have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
