Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
