3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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