do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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