Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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