If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
