i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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