guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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