I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
