If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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