My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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