Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
