people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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