Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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