I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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