My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
