His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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