I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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