im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
