My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
