9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
