Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
