It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
