It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
