i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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