i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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