Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My ATM looks so different sober.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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