I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
