Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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