My balls are so social today.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize