dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
