I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
