apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
