Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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