She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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