If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
