We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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