ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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