I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize