i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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