On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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