I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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