My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
