Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
