Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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