I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
