return my video game
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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