For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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