is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
