i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just had sex bonerless
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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