I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
