does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
