i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize