Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
