My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize