that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
