someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
