haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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