Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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