He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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