Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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