If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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