just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
