the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize