My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
