Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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