she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
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