Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
