Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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