today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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