drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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