Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
