I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
