I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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