evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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