these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
