found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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