weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
