I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My ass is underappreciated
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
