i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
