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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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