People with herpes should wear stickers.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
