If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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