they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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