I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
