Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
