Can i not drive my cunt home
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
