She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize