Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
