I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
