Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize