youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
