billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
