he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
