margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Randomize
