That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
