is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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