Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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