My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
