Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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